10) The Augsburg Fortress Jesus Studies Collection (19 vols.) – for Logos users.
9) All three volumes of Queens’ Greatest Hits – Don’t ask me why, but every published Jesus scholar since 1981 is a huge Freddy Mercury fan. Well, there was an exception once, but the scholar was ostracized and his books were banned. No dissenters have come forward since.
8) A new title from E.P. Sanders – A guy can wish.
7) Dynamite blurbs from Tom Wright and Bart Ehrman – Phrases like “the definitive treatment”, “standard text”, and “I’ve changed my mind about everything” would help.
6) A bottle of Highland Park – we don’t drink it; we use it to scent our libraries to highlight the musty, bookish aroma.
5) A professional relationship with James Ernest at Baker Academic.
4) An excessively positive review from James D.G. Dunn – he doesn’t provide these often, but when he does, it is for good reason.
3) A scathing review from James D.G. Dunn – people generally feel so bad for the author in question that they console him/her by purchasing the book.
2) A fragment of Q, dated to 30CE, and containing the phrase “Of course I am anti-Rome, what else would I be?” – oh, the fun we would have!
…and the thing most wanted by every Jesus scholar for Xmas:
1) This monstrosity.
Wowww.
ReplyDeleteWhat about a pack of those neato new Theologian Trading Cards from Zondervan? http://goo.gl/Eyk00
I'd think they'd make a good stocking stuffer. :-)
The amount of verbal play that #1 gives to the term "handbook" (at 3600+ pp.) is quite amusing in itself.
ReplyDeleteWithout actually finding said fragment of Q, Oakman's _The Political Aims of Jesus_ probably does the next best thing. Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteIf you asked instead about Hanukkah, you could get 80% of your wish list. This is my best contribution ever to interfaith dialog.
ReplyDeleteIf I buy you a tie for Christmas and claim memory refraction, would you have to accept the gift in place of something else you listed? This is my best contribution ever to postmodernist dialog.
If you bought be a tie for Xmas and claimed "memory refraction", your social counterpart (me) would correct your memory so that it looked more like my memory. Or perhaps you would correct my memory so that it looked more like yours... I would then re-gift your Xmas present as a Hanukkah present to someone else. In this way, we would both be contributing to Jewish-Xn relations.
Deleteproblem solved.
-anthony
Hmm. I think that would create a problem for me, especially if I had to explain to some fellow member of the tribe why he found a tie under his Hanukkah bush that smells like Highland Park.
DeleteI just finished your "Historical Jesus" book last night, and already I miss the Enlightenment.
Luckily there were lots of enlightened folks before the "Enlightenment" suggesting that we can be enlightened without that particular incarnation of modernity.
DeletePossibly I should have ended that last comment with a wink-y smiley face, but I figured you'd catch the snarky sarcasm behind any Jewish nostalgia for the "Enlightenment". Not to mention a Jew complaining about post-modernity. I suppose I could find a non-Jew I might complain to who is at least partially responsible for the post-modernist project, but I think I'd have to work at it.
DeleteYours is a very good book, Anthony. I liked it a lot. Seriously.
you're insane
ReplyDeleteI'm a tad disappointed that "time machine" didn't make the list. I think that the historical Jesus scholar who accesses a time machine has a slight edge on everyone else.
ReplyDeleteHow appropriate that someone would wish for Q from Santa Claus... two non-existent things used to sell toys.
ReplyDelete#boom
Aha - but there was a St. Nic, even if his present-day packagings obscure him.
Delete#drankthekoolaid
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me: "Soundings in the Religion of Jesus". And no one in my family sees this as ironic anymore.
ReplyDelete