10) The Augsburg Fortress Jesus Studies Collection (19 vols.) – for Logos users.
9) All three volumes of Queens’ Greatest Hits – Don’t ask me why, but every published Jesus scholar since 1981 is a huge Freddy Mercury fan. Well, there was an exception once, but the scholar was ostracized and his books were banned. No dissenters have come forward since.
8) A new title from E.P. Sanders – A guy can wish.
7) Dynamite blurbs from Tom Wright and Bart Ehrman – Phrases like “the definitive treatment”, “standard text”, and “I’ve changed my mind about everything” would help.
6) A bottle of Highland Park – we don’t drink it; we use it to scent our libraries to highlight the musty, bookish aroma.
5) A professional relationship with James Ernest at Baker Academic.
4) An excessively positive review from James D.G. Dunn – he doesn’t provide these often, but when he does, it is for good reason.
3) A scathing review from James D.G. Dunn – people generally feel so bad for the author in question that they console him/her by purchasing the book.
2) A fragment of Q, dated to 30CE, and containing the phrase “Of course I am anti-Rome, what else would I be?” – oh, the fun we would have!
…and the thing most wanted by every Jesus scholar for Xmas:
1) This monstrosity.